This morning at 5:41 a.m. I was driving in my truck to work. Outside, it is light; however, the large grey clouds are present from the earlier rain and still obscuring the early morning light. There are no other cars on the road.
I don't want to listen to the CD I have in the player, so I switch to the radio. I have six presets on my radio: NPR, 96X, FM99, the Fox, 88.7, and WHRO. The radio is initially on the Fox, but it is playing something I don't like (I haven't cared much for the station since they switched formatting). I go to my first preset, NPR.
NPR is broadcasting a speech; I've come in during the middle of it so I don't know who is making the speech. It sounds like an older woman. Being that this is NPR and that I know the Queen of England was to be making a speech before the UN, I assume that the news is own and that they are replaying the speech.
However, after the current sentence is finished, a second person then speaks.
The plot thickens.
I am confused by the second speaker. The next orator seems to be imitating the Queen, but she is doing so by speaking in a weird sort or mush-mouth, monotoned, mongoloid voice. As much as the Queen sounds clear, crisp, and articulate the second sounds sloppy, slurred, and retarded, barely three notches above gibberish.
I mean that seriously. The second person sounds like she is imitating the Queen but in a retarded person's voice. At 5:43 a.m., I come to the conclusion that NPR is mocking the Queen of England's speech on the value of education and perseverance over hardships. I am blown away at the ballsyness NPR is showing.
After a about 20-30 seconds of intense listening, I realize that the second speaker is actually the first speaker and the Queen is actually the second. The Queen, seemingly, is translating the random slurred syllables into English.
I listen until the end of the speech about a minute later, unsure whether NPR is running a gag-piece on the Queen or if the Queen is translating someone's speech, as it ends to uproarious applause. It does not cross my mind that this broadcast is not about the Queen of England in some way.
The announcer's deep, smooth voice comes over the speakers and annotates the speech. He remarks that Hellen Keller would go on after the speech to fight for rights for the blind for many more years.
Well, that makes sense, I suppose. It beats my other two theories, at least.
I don't truly care about Hellen Keller, so with the mystery solved I immediately go on the preset number two, 96X.
Instantaneous to my pressing the #2 button, I hear "Shush girl; shut'cher lips. Do the Hellen Keller, and talk with yer hips." Cue the chorus to the song. Don't trust a ho.
I don't know if the boys in 3OH!3 have heard Hellen Keller speak, but they are right.
Hellen Keller's speech is very weird and sickly funny. I doubt that I could keep a straight face if I were to talk to her. If you talk like Hellen Keller, then attempt to communicate in other ways.
Also, never trust a ho.
